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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29689845">i caught you staring at the sun</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/goyasoda/pseuds/goyasoda'>goyasoda</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abyss (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route, Gen, Language of Flowers, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Past Dorothea Arnault/Petra Macneary, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:07:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,555</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29689845</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/goyasoda/pseuds/goyasoda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>strike gold on my eyelids, got a sister who knows nothing but violence</i>
</p><p>a dedue-centric fic about what happens when everyone thinks the war is over. spoilers for fe three houses verdant wind route !</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dedue Molinaro/Claude von Riegan, Mercedes von Martritz &amp; Dedue Molinaro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i caught you staring at the sun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello! thank you for clicking and reading so far! </p><p>this is my FIRST multichapter fic since like 2017, so i hope you enjoy. i had this idea after all three major routes in fire emblem: three houses and thinking about relationships, closure, and how little plot dedue gets in his own route! this work is heavily influenced by listening to a <i> lot </i> or orville peck while writing. </p><p>i hope to update this fic every couple of weeks! i hope you enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>From the journal of Dedue Molinaro, Day 12 of the Verdant Rain Moon, Year 1180</em>
</p><p>Greenhouse conditions are excellent. Most time today was spent with Ashe trimming the larger topiary bushes as well as continuing the proliferation of ladybugs in flowers that have been recently attracting aphids. Bonemeal was also spread in the greenhouse parcel A1 and A2 with the support of the professor. Tomorrow I hope to cultivate the hardier vegetables and make space for the upcoming winter bulbs. Many students will be looking forward to seeing Fargheian plants.</p><p>Bernadetta has requested my hand in cultivation of traditional birthday flowers from Brigid for Petra's birthday the following month. I do not understand how anyone in the Black Eagles classroom would be able to procure such rare seeds and soil while still attending classes within the monastery, much less for a classmate.</p><p>I have, unfortunately, still not been able to contact any individual who could possibly find seeds for Duscurian marigolds. If found, they would have to be planted in lot B1 alongside the venomous and carnivorous plants in order to avoid tampering. I will have to ask a favor of Mercedes to see if she could instruct me in Faith to cultivate the plants, as touching them will prove difficult.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Day 30 of the Garland Moon, Year 1186</em>
</p><p>The sun is sharp and scalding outside when Claude and his team enter the throne room. There, almost imperceptible from where he is, is Empress Edelgard. Edie, who once ate an entire spicy pepper instead of taking it out of her soup on the few occasions Claude ate at the same time as her. Edie, who refused to walk by him, the guilt of responsibility to heavy and the pool of blood too wide and deep to accept another person into it. His team is surrounded by mages, both Imperial and not. Claude has developed a habit of not scanning anyone's face for familiarity. He doesn't want to count the number of those with a name he knew, not now, but what Hubert said to him before fighting him in Enbarr comes back to him — just like he said, as thorns in his side. He chuckles to himself before drawing his first arrow.</p><p>Time becomes a blur as soon as he has his first command, sending Leonie, Ignatz, and Raphael towards the main group of mages. Byleth is right beside him, echoing a second group composed primarily of cavalry directly towards a Demonic Beast. Their army, if Claude dares call it that, is composed primarily of current and former Golden Deer, with only a handful of exceptions.</p><p>(Dorothea, before battle, pleaded with Claude not to be let into the throne room. She had only defected months ago, and the mere mention of Edelgard, of Edie, still tore Dorothea up inside. When once she was inseparable from Petra stood a woman trying to be two. Instead, he had Dorothea wait directly outside the throne room alongside her battalion, and as they became overwhelmed with reinforcements, could see the telltale bright blue of Agnea's Arrow out of the corner of his eye. Felix, on the other hand, soundlessly began disposing of heavy armor units with Reason, the slime of Mire soon coating large parts of the entrance to the throne room.)</p><p>Claude had not expected to see Dedue also enter the throne room. Although he had helped Claude far along enough to find their way through the castle, it was another thing to see Dedue in battle. He had the armor customary for a wyvern rider on with no wyvern, but a longbow strapped to his back with an axe and shield in hand. He can't spend too long observing though, as Dedue rushes to the other side of the Demonic Beast that Byleth and their battalion is currently going up against and Marianne comes up next to him, snapping him out of his observation with an influx of Faith magic into his veins.</p><p>After battle, Dedue is nowhere to be found. It was, as Leonie says, raining fucking buckets outside, and Dedue could be anywhere. His consciousness drifts in an out, realizing he is sitting behind Lorenz on horseback as they go <em>somewhere</em>, Lorenz prattling on to Marianne who is following his stride on her horse. Whatever Edelgard had done to that axe of hers, not even taking a concoction and his handmade antivenoms could stop the burning sensation where he had been hit across the arm and chest. Lorenz and Mercedes lead the front of the party headed back to the monastery, and if he can turn — which he avoids after trying — he can barely make out the stark white of Lysithea's hair. It is beginning to get dark as well, and as much as Claude wishes he could rest, he feels the need to find Dedue, to thank him for his help and offer him at least a warm meal before he continues. Lorenz would probably say he's gone soft, but only in jest — he himself has been there many a time when Claude and the rest of the Deer will find temporary lodging in a small village and depart the next morning with a large bullion as their payment for whatever unsuspecting inkeeper took them in. Lorenz much prefers it to camping.</p><p>He also cannot see Judith, and the idea of losing Judith in battle threatens to swallow Claude whole before he makes himself remember that Judith was <em>there</em>. Judith watched him, holding Dorothea herself back, as Claude, Byleth, and dearest Edie met for the last time. It had probably been minutes since then, but to Claude, it had been hours. He hopes that Byleth is asking Judith to do next, because Claude has no <em>fucking idea.</em> After finding Rhea, Claude had to confront her about Those Who Slither — and now, now what? He just had to go and fix more of Fodlan's problems? It's not like Rhea would ever give him a straight answer, and asking Hubert or Edie what they meant in the least wasn't impossible. Hubert's letter sat folded in his breast pocket, searing hot, reminding him of what could have been, if only — if only what? What had to change? What did he have to change about himself, in order to make it work? What kind of act did he have to put on to make Edie see him with the same lavender eyes she had before, when war was just a thought brewing in her mind, and not the stench in the air?</p><p>Claude is tired, and exhausted, and just when he had thought he could take a break. Sighing, he let his exhaustion take him, and is thankful for once that Lorenz wore such thick and gaudy armor, so that he could not tell if it was rain or Claude's tears.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>From the journal of Claude von Reigan, Day 16 of the Verdant Rain Moon, Year 1180</em>
</p><p>Morfis plum - skin can be used to help treat surface-level scars, fruit is said to bring good luck so it was hard to get one - tastes like any other plum - put the seed through the mortal and pestle to try for quick healing potion in the future without drowsiness side effect of vulneary (sp)</p><p>New plant in the greenhouse - Bernie says it's from Brigid - white, with long fuzzy stems and almond-sized leaves. No practical purpose, Petra's birthday coming up?</p><p>Carnivorous plants were fed 2 days ago, need to find new bugs for them soon. Try out new honey mix? Need to ask Bernie about applying directly onto carnivorous (sp) plant versus setting nearby trap. Do plants need exercise?</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>From the desk of Hilda Goneril to Holst Goneril, Day 20 of the Blue Sea Moon, Year 1186</em>
</p><p>... I honestly can't believe we made it all unscathed out of there! Every day there are more and more people we knew from Gareg Mach attempting to contact Claude and join his cause. It's almost like five years ago, since we're all just training for the next mission...</p><p>... I hope to be done with all this war soon and get to spend some time being able to finally relax with my favorite older brother. Please let me know as soon as you can if we can count on your troops coming to Gareg Mach while our team...</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Day 21 of the Blue Sea Moon, Year 1186</em>
</p><p>Dedue has not been able to enter the greenhouse for over five years. He has spent the last two weeks sleeping and waking, eating and bathing in a haze. He is only sure of two things in his life:</p><p>His Highness was dead.</p><p>He had been able to complete His Highness' last goal — Edelgard had died.</p><p>What happens after that he did not know. He would eat speechlessly, hear the students around him dream about their plans for the future. Mercedes and Felix were, as far as Dedue knew, the only two remaining survivors of his and Dimitri's class. If others had survived but did not want to join Claude's cause, Dedue did not ask.</p><p>Felix had been left for dead after Gronder, and Mercedes had stumbled upon his body hours after Dedue had left Gronder, on a completely different side of the field. He dare not look either of them in the eye — if they looked at each other, all they could see was the heavy fog that covered the field that day. Out of the three, Mercedes seemed to fare the best, as she finally reunited with Emile, but even he could see that her sweet façade had been prone to slipping without Annette around. Felix reverted to the same demeanor from their monastery days, and refuses to spar with anyone, even Byleth, who had previously trained him one-on-one on his Reason skills. The scars of heavy Reason use were telltale on Felix: it looked like he had dipped his hands in dark blue ink, almost black, almost up to the elbow. Dedue finds it fascinating and terrifying how magic scarred the body, just as swords and axes could.</p><p>(It made him remember when he had asked Mercedes for assistance in Faith, so he could help with the plants in the greenhouse, and she had frowned while her eyes still smiled and told him it was best to let the mages of the monastery continue to do it, so that he did not also scar, as if he weren't already scarred from their monthly missions dictated by Rhea.)</p><p>There were very few students from the Empire. Dorothea is the only one he ever sees around, as she sits worldlessly looking out into the sky where Petra used to practice her wyvern-flying skills by the side of the church. He heard word last week that Linhardt had also defected, and had taken to living in Abyss, but with no knowledge of where Abyss was (as well as a general ambivalence towards the mage), he has not gone to look.</p><p>Dedue talks to no one, walks alongside the lake with no one, tends the flowers with no one. He had not yet to entered the greenhouse. Every time he walks by he can only see Bernadetta and Ashe, feel their presence, wonder if this was his curse for being by Dimitri's side, if he too would start to hear the pleas of revenge from his fallen comrades.</p><p>There is no one to take revenge over. Dimitri and Edelgard are both dead. There is no one to vow to kill. There is no cause to avenge and no one to report to.</p><p>Muscle memory leads him from the cafeteria back to the greenhouse as it had almost daily five years ago. He wonders if anyone on Claude's team had tended to the plants like his classmates had, if Petra's favorite flowers from Brigid were there, or the small sprigs of baby's breath Ashe would leave on Lonato's grave before each mission.</p><p>The doors to the greenhouse had not been greased in ages, and Dedue struggles at first to pull them open, not expecting resistance. It was not in as much disarray as he expects: many of the plants that had the best chance to flourish were doing just that, all plants originally from Fodlan, there to provide nourishment. The Brigid and Dagdan plants that were once places carefully next to the carnivorous and otherwise dangerous flowers are all wilted, along with the dried leaves of what he could tell were Duscurian marigolds. He knows, somewhere in his mind, it is impossible to keep many of the plants alive even when there isn't a war, and knows that it was for the better that many of the carnivorous and venomous plants died instead of taking over the entire greenhouse. There is a bucket there, still damp from use, and Dedue begins to pull out wilted stems from the earth and pile them in. He didn't care if his only good change of clothes become ruined, he didn't care if he looked stupid or inappropriate behavior for a man of his age. He sits and pulls at stems until the sun set and his hands ache. Sweat drips down his brown into the earth below him and a small memory of childhood tries to rear its ugly head, but Dedue is just too exhausted for even memory. He is covered in dirt with no way to clean what he had worn, and even so, after placing the wilted stems in compost, he walks to his room feeling a little more productive than he had the entire month.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>From the Journal of Dedue Molinaro, Day 31 of the Verdant Rain Moon, Year 1180</em>
</p><p>Greenhouse: Bernadetta and I planted to a new shipment of plants originating from Brigid. After much debate with the greenhouse instructors, we were able to place them in a space in parcel B1, as that part of the greenhouse has quickly become unique to Bernadetta's eclectic tastes in plants.</p><p>House leaders meeting: I was also in attendance to a meeting between the three house leaders today as they plan the long-term projects for each classroom in battalion leadership skills. Dimitri was, once again, privy to having another mock battle, but Claude insisted on a more unique way for us to spend our time. Hilda and Hubert were also there, and provided unique input — in the end, Claude ended up winning over Dimitri as well as Edelgard, although Hubert once again has his own doubts regarding Claude. Edelgard, in turn, proposed a camping trip, which all of us could agree would be an enriching experience.</p><p>
  <em>(Here, Dedue's writing becomes smaller.)</em>
</p><p>Myself and the other vassals met following the meeting to discuss the conditions of our house leaders, where Hilda told the most humorous story regarding Claude I had heard. Although Hubert is cold, he is equally distrustful of all, even those in his own class such as Ferdinand, which he complained about at length. I promised him to take the upmost care of the Brigid plants and told me he knew where to procure the seeds for flowers typical of Duscur. Although risky, I did take him up on this offer, which made Hilda laugh. She is, no doubt, telling Claude about our strange interaction as I write this. I hope to find the opportunity to speak to Claude once again —</p>
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